Things I have come to realize...

1. There is something very liberating to not need a diaper bag any more

2. Life with out diaper changes is AMAZING

3. The 2nd deployment isn't any easier

4. Even though it isn't easier, I have developed better ways of coping, and for that I am proud of myself

5. Putting together and sending care packages still make me feel good

6. A 5 min phone call is still worth more than anything to me

7. My dogs are a pain, but my late nights would be so lonely with out them. Thank you Daisy and Midnight for all of your great company and snuggles

8. Life with out my blackberry is very BLAH

9. I have been blessed with some very amazing people in my life. I may not tell all of you this enough, but thank you!

10. My husband and my son are my inspiration in life.

"l'll Wait for You"

The snow in Montana was three feet high
The lady at the counter said: There ain't no flights
And so he called her on the telephone
He said: I'll rent a car and I'll drive home

And she said: I'll wait for you
Like I did last year
At Christmas time with your family here
And your truck broke down out in San Antone
And the gifts stayed wrapped until you got home
Oh, this ain't nothin' new
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you

Now he's on his cell phone in a Coupe Deville
Talkin' to the one he loves and always will
His heart is breakin' 'cause she's there alone
Her heart is achin' 'cause she wants him home
She says: I'll wait for you like in '68
When our child was due, but I said, he'll have to wait
Until his dad gets here and stands by my side
Remember, Dear, our son's first cry
Oh, this ain't nothin' new
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you

He didn't stop all day to eat a bite
And he finally got there around midnight
The doctor said, she's in a better place
She said to give this you this note just in case

And it said, I'll wait for you at Heaven's gate
Oh, I don't care how long it takes
And I'll tell Saint Pete I can't come in
Without my love and my best friend
Oh, this ain't nothin' new
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you
P.S. I love you, too
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you


-Joe Nichols




Before Alan Left we made a mix of songs that made us think of each other. This is one of my favorites. The first time I heard it i cried like a little baby. It really captures our life though. I am always waiting for you, but its always worth it. I love you babe.

Potty training adventures.

Well, its officially happened. I have a potty training toddler! He has been showing signs of being ready for the past few months, but I really didn't think that this would be so EASY!

In November about 3 days before we were due to fly across country to California he decided that he wanted to try out the whole pee pee on the potty situation. We were both sick but he was ready to give it a shot. I didn't expect it to last to long since in a few days we would be flying across country to Northern California to stay visit my grandparents, and then a week later we would be driving for another 10 hours to get to my parents house in Southern California.  But, he kept on it for 2 weeks, then decided he was done.

I wasn't planning on trying again until 2-3 weeks after daddy deployed. Dman on the other hand had different ideas. 3 days after daddy left he looks at me and says "potty" and runs to the bathroom! We spent the rest of the day in and out of the bathroom as was learning what the urge to go potty felt like. The next day we went out and bought some big boy undies (Yo Gabba Gabba and Spongebob) a pack of pull ups and a bag of  M&M's. When we got home we talked about how big boys go pee pee on the potty and not in their big boy undies. The first few days we had 2-3 accidents a day (including some yucky number 2's) but, we were not going back to a diaper! It didn't take him long to realize that he didn't like the feeling of going to the bathroom in his undies, and soon he was telling me "mommy, pee pee"!

We have gone on several outings with success (aka no accidents). Even an hour long drive to the Aquarium!

It has been so amazing watching him go through this important stage in his life and do it with such ease. I know where not completely there yet ( an accident every few days, and pull ups for nap and bed time) but, for a 2 year old little boy I am finding this whole situation quite remarkable!

Did I mention how CUTE his little tush is in a pair of Yo Gabba Gabba undies?

Daddy is going to be so proud of his little man!

Keep Breathing,

Well, today was the day. I watched my hero walk onto one of those dammed Coach America buses.

3 weeks ago you could have asked me how I felt about this deployment and it would have been pretty positive, better communication, faster mail. I felt like I had this in the bag. Yes, I was worried about my husband, and yes, I was going to miss him more than words. But, I had come to terms with it, and was in my "happy place" as far as deployments are concerned. 

2 weeks ago, you could have asked me the same question, and my answer would have been I am not happy about the location , but at least communication shouldn't be that terrible and hopefully mail will run smoother than last deployment. Not so much in my "happy place" any more but trying to focus on the good of the situation.

Then today about an hour before its time to say "see ya in a few months hot stuff" we find out that communication as of now is almost nonexistent and and that the mail system is even worse, UGH, how does that happen? So as Alan walked onto those buses today the few positives I had been holding onto were gone and I felt  nauseous, uncontrollable tears, and a pain in my chest making it hard for me to breath. As I was standing there breathless the only thing I could keep telling myself was to keep breathing. I couldn't do much to control the tears, or ease the pain in my belly. But I had to keep breathing. I have to stay strong for my son in my arms, and I have to stay strong for my personal hero who was sitting on a bus watching us through the window. But, I have never felt so weak or helpless in my life.

After we got home, it was a weird feeling, knowing that this was my life for the next 8 months. One 2 year old, 2 dogs, some fish, and my self in this big house, while my husband is at war. Part of it doesn't feel real, feels like I was just here and that its not our time again already. But when I start really thinking about it, and I know its real, and that 8 months feels like 17 years away from now today my hands start shaking, the water works return, and again, I have to remind myself to just keep breathing. Today is terrible, tomorrow will be a little bit better, and next week we will start finding the routine that will get us through these long months ahead.

I love you Alan. See you in a few months.

 "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." --George Orwell.